oh yeah…
Letters to Sampson (since my daddy says Bob is too sad to be surprised with guests)
Dear Sampy,
I’m sorry I can’t see you. Here are new things: Oliver is Lazy. The Cat is blind. Your Friends are Gone (the people that bought our house gave them away without asking whether or not we’d like them back, so… they live in Fayetteville now. the fuck?). Oh yeah, and you maybe get to come home (to a new house) in March, which is da best. Da best, da best. Also, I guess you’ll probably be lonely in the back yard unless you stop bullying Oliver or you make friends with some chickens, except that you bully them, too. I guess you’ll just be lonely… sorry that we sold our house to DOUCHEBAGS who don’t even bother to tell us that they don’t want Delilah OR Clove after just a few months. They’re not really douchbags; I’m just sore. Anyways, I’m sorry you only have one horn left, but I heard that Bob got rid of the sheep that bullied you (he didn’t have horns? really, Sampy?) and you’re now “The Big Kahuna” of sheep world. I hope that Bob feeds you well. I miss your burps and the way you chewed your cud. I’m sorry you haven’t had a bath since July. If it’s warm enough in March you can get one, and then we can eat people food together… or ice cream or something. OH! YEAH! and I have your other horn in my dorm room (in case you were worried about it). It’s hanging from the top of the window and it’s right by my head when I sleep. I’m very sorry that happened to you. Anyways, I hope you haven’t lost your muchiness, and I hope you’re not mad at me.
Luv U Fuheva,
I don’t know what you call me? Happy New Year!
